6 Lessons to Self-Awareness. Part 1.

Also adapted & published on Medium.
I’ve maintained very stringently a stark line between my professional and personal life since I began my career fresh out of college 6 years ago. I’m happy to say that it has remained so - the experiences leak through as they should and I’m more naturally myself personally than I can ever be professionally. This is true for everyone.

Anyway, my career was on its natural run, and I have moved on from a starry eyed developer to a managerial role. This has always seemed to me, a very natural progression of my career (I even recall telling my first manager that in 4 years, I saw myself leading a project and team). It happened. Now, two years in, I have learned, grown, changed, adapted and placed myself in the path of doing all of it in a continuous rhythm. I share a few things that have helped me in this venture - from those around me, with a flavor of my mind as well.

• Always listen. But don't stay quiet all the time.

One of the first lessons in management is to listen first and then talk. It’s about other people and things, and not yourself. I whole-heartedly agree and have tried vehemently to practice it. But remember, only listening will get you nowhere. You do need to communicate. It is a two-way channel. This is a subjective, but trust your gut instinct and go with it.

• Do things first, and then explain. Or at least say ‘Yes’ and then figure it out.

The main thing with responsibilities is that when it concerns other people, we usually tend to want to hear everyone’s opinions before coming to a decision, because listen first is a motto (see above). However, there is a fine line in seeking opinions and indecision. Take this article on HBR: http://bit.ly/IndecisiveBoss. Too much solicitation of feedback is useless in most cases because the human psyche has already arrived at a decision/judgement within the first few minutes of interaction. So the simplest thing you can is say ‘Yes’ and then working things out.

• Find someone you trust and speak with them. Be honest and open.

As much of a sound-board or cushion you are to your team, ultimately you’re human too. With human tendencies of frustration, disappointment, claustrophobic thoughts banging around your head, you need to find an outlet, and you need to find someone who will help you channel it, and it can be anyone - a mentor, coach, colleague, friend, family, person, bipedal humanoid...

I’m not a big fan of a formal mentorship program. I enjoy just conversing with different people, getting different perspectives. The ones I spend most time with are the ones I’m learning most from. And enjoy spending time with them simply talking. Honestly.

• Admit it when you don’t know or are wrong.

One ideology I’ve always despised is fake it till you make it.

Admit it when you don’t know - it’s ok. Stop pretending. It takes a lot of courage to say this, but it opens your mind to knowing more. Yes, it does make you vulnerable, but if you're strong enough to admit it, then you're probably strong enough to bounce back from it as well.

• Be relevant, not just present.

In every corporate setting, there's always people that want the boss' eye - they talk a lot, are around a lot, and don't necessarily add any value to any conversation or meeting. And then there are those that silently watch and wait, but the moment they sit up and open their mouths, you know it must be important. Normal people - those that are a-tuned to themselves - know the balance, but this is for those that have simply want their face and person to be everywhere all the time. If not having you in the picture makes no difference, it's time to rethink the very reason for your presence.

Present enough to be unbothered, absent enough to make a difference.  

• Experience counts: how you channel and execute with it will matter more.

The older you get the wiser you are. Agreed. But, if you've done nothing in obtaining that wisdom - with or for it, then what's the point? What do your experiences count for if you didn't pass it along or learn from it?

When someone begins an introduction with ‘I have 10 years of management experience’ something in my brain just turns itself off. I am not interested in how long you've done something, what you've done in that time matters a lot more. Time is of the essence, however it is so much more vital when you've made it matter. Did you manage to connect all the dots? Do you know why, what and where?

Confront yourself. Be Self-Aware.

All of the above becomes so much easier when you are self-aware. My motto: “no one knows me better than myself”. It’s difficult, painful and frightening to be self-aware. Confronting my insecurities and building my confidence on the inside and out takes a lot of time and energy and there is no simple way of doing it. But once you arrive there is no turning back. And you'll eventually thank yourself for it.